On my way home today I was tripping down memory lane when my thoughts were suddenly invaded by a certain person who I was once good friends with. The total feelings of utter hatred and contempt rose in my chest and surprised me. I had forgiven him for the sin of being alive more then 10 years ago.
It led me to the question of can you hate someone who you have forgiven? If you still hate him maybe you didn't really forgive him. So I called my sister, who is one of the few people who would understand that question without needing any explanation.
She felt that you can hate someone who you have already forgiven and it is still a full forgiveness. Her reasoning was that while you have forgiven a specific act that the person has done, the person isn't going to change and what you hate is the way this person behaves, which will continue with or without your forgiveness.
I'm not sure I agree with that. When I forgave him, it was before Yom Kippur and I said "I forgive that jerk, but I still wish he fell off a roof and was still alive to feel himself get rolled over by a truck." In any case hatred is very powerful. As it is said, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to the dark side." In the newer movie (which I haven't seen) Yoda says that hate leads to suffering, but in the original he stated correctly. Hate leads to the dark side.
Another question I was thinking about is why this person invaded my thoughts. Does that mean that an event had occurred with him, so his presence was stronger in the universe or was it just a random occurrence. A lot of people from the past came to me while I was driving and for the most part it was a very pleasant experience.
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9 comments:
If you forgave him, then why did you wish he'd fall off a roof and other unpleasant things? If it was just because you don't like his personality that may come under baseless hatred which is a pretty big no- no....
Did I visit??
as far as the hate thing... I agree with your sister that we can forgive a person for an act, but still dislike them. But, I think we should consider it our own character flaw, and try to work on it.
1) I didn't know you more then 10 years ago
2) If I dislike someone, I do consider it a character flaw, but not one of my own.
1) you met me about nine years ago
2) he can be a terrible person, and that is his problem, but you hating him is yours.
As it is written "When you see the donkey of someone you hate stumbling under its load, surely you should help him."
That tells us that the Torah has no problem with you hating someone, just don't take it out on his donkey.
In fact if you don't hate anyone then you cannot fulfill this mitzva. So having a complete lack of hatred is a character flaw.
You shall not hate your brother in your heart (Vayikra 19:12)
You are quoting incorrectly.
Vayikra 19:12
And ye shall not swear by My name falsely, so that thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.
19:17 says you should not hate your brother in your heart, but if you continue on it says "rebuke you shall rebuke him" In other words the problem here isn't the hate, it is the hatred of the heart, meaning that you see what he is doing wrong and you despise him because of it but do not attempt to correct the problem. If you have rebuked him, or if you hate him not because of a sin, but rather because he is a complete jerk then that is allowed.
Also there are circumstances that you should not rebuke people because you know they will just make fun of the rebuke and will not listen. In that case it is appropriate to just hate him.
yeah... whatever.
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